I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
