I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
