he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
