Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
