I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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