I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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