R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
