actually, I'm a sock model
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
