38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
