you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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