They have a pepper shaker for pot.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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