Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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