I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
