My liver just broke up with me...
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
