The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
