It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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