So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
