I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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