He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
