whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
