Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Let's get the cat blown out
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
