just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
