how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
