I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
