I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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