I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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