We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
