I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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