Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
