The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
two words...techno handjob
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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