3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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