Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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