physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
