I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize