I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
