I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Come on in and take your pants off
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