If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
