my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
