He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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