i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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