My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
