One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
