I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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