He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
