When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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