So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
it glows. i had to have it.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
