I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
