i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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