I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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