apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
