Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
