i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
