You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Also, beer. Big fan.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
