he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
So much Jack, so little girl.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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