I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
