just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
