He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
