You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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