So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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