Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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