My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
