Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
