I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
