this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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