Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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