Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
40s are totally the cure
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize