I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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