If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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