My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
